The morning ritual

There are people out there, most likely some type of automaton, who are colloquially referred to as “morning people”.  These genteel souls go to sleep early, wake up early (no doubt having spent slumber dreaming of all the exciting things that will be accomplished the next day!!!) and in general harnessing life to the fullest.  These good people are not just active in the morning, they penetrate the morning, forcing the AM to do their noble bidding.

I am not a morning person.  I wake up slooooooow.  This is well documented.  My most likely move when I wake up is to fall back asleep, followed very closely by a trip to the bathroom, then back to sleep.  If I do manage to get up and stay up, most likely due to a feminine influence, I’m still effectively comatose.  I shuffle around, mumble; all those clever quips that pepper the afternoon and evening are buoyed by the extraordinary dullery of first part of the day.  Mentally I’m way below what any medical person would call “conscious”.   Physically there’s something similar.  I am, among other things, not in the least bit hungry out of bed.  My body is still in hibernation mode, for good or ill.  I may be thirsty, but put a piece of toast in front of me and I’d have a lot of trouble choking it down.  When my brain has woken up my body follows, although it might be the other way around.  The tricky part is getting that process started.

I generally do the bathroom/drink of water bit, and if I remember to, splash some water on my face and/or stretch.  This is a good eye opener if i remember to do it, but memory is a mental process, and again not my specialty straight out of bed.  It’s kind of a Catch-22, which is a concept I can utilize correctly because I’m writing this post at 11:30 at night.

Anyway, we’ve got this issue where morning is slow time, and I need to get started on the day, but we need a spark.  After said ignition, you gotta fuel up.  Luckily, oh so luckily, there’s cooking to the rescue.  A meal, a specific breakfast that takes the right time to make, so that by cooking it you’re mentally awake, and by the time it’s finished you’re hungry to eat.  The magic meal is that old chestnut oatmeal.  And if you’re curious how to put together this delightful morning ensemble, look no further my friend.  Full details ahead.

Now there are a lot of kinds of oatmeal out there.  Instant and rolled are the two most common to Americans, and they’re not bad in a pinch.  Instant is a little sugary and a little expensive for what you get, but in a pinch…Rolled oats are great to have around for desserts or the occasional granola bar.  But for breakfast, head and shoulders above the best version of oats are Steel-Cut.  So named by the process used to separate the grain from the oat kernel, these oats are the least processed of oat varieties, and consequently the healthiest.  In my opinion they’re also the tastiest, but the trade-off is that they require the most effort.  I believe it is time well spent.

The golden ratio of steel-cut oats is a simple one cup of oats to four cups of liquid.  This is the ratio for the oats to absorb the right amount of liquid, so that they create yummy, gummy texture, as opposed to being a mass or disintegrating.  Less than that amount of liquid goes from uncomfortably chewy to painfully crunchy.  This ratio is a good standby, but keep in mind that each portion of steel-cut is slightly different.  The toasting process(below) can be different, the amount of time absorbing liquid, and the amount of liquid needed for optimal consistency are all variable.  There’s nothing you can really do about the last one except, if needed, add more liquid (sticking to the ratio, it’s not really possible to put in too much right off the bat).  Some may find the lack of consistency a problem for their morning ritual.  I find it endearing.

With the ratio in mind, we first examine how much oatmeal we’ll be making.  That full cup of oats makes way more oatmeal than I can eat.  I generally go with 1/3 cup of oats, with a healthy amount of additions later on.  Sometimes if I’m sensing real hunger in the morning, I’ll go with a half cup, although this is definitely the upper limit of eating for one.  A last point before we get cooking proper: Not all steel-cut oats are precisely the same.  Besides the individual variations in batches mentioned above, brands are subtly different.  The only version I’ve truly disliked is Bob’s Red Mill Steel-Cut Oats.  Bob’s is generally good stuff, but their oats always come out grades below.  Bulk-section steel-cut generally work out well, but my absolute favorite brand is Country Choice Irish Style(Steel-Cut) Oats.  A canister looks like this:

And 1/3 cup of the raw oats looks like this:

You can work with the oats in this state, but I like adding some flavor at this point and toasting them.  It’s a cooking maxim that everything tastes better toasted, and oats are certainly no exception.  To toast the oats, you’re going to need a little butter melted in the bottom of your cooking vessel.  It detracts from the some of the health benefits of this breakfast, but you really don’t need much here.  Your goal is to get the butter liquidus so that you can mix it into the oats to get a more efficient toast going.  Your melted butter will look something like this:

You’ll dump your cup o’ oats into the butter and stir it around, getting as much immersion as possible.  The butter smells alright, but the smell of oats toasting in the morning is both comforting and delicious.  My heat will be at medium-high here.  This portion is the trickiest part of the breakfast, and mistakes do happen.  The overarching goal is for the oats to be browned but not burnt.  Since toasting is optional, you’d be correct to think that under-toasting is superior to over-toasting.  Note however that the flavor spike is pronounced.  The best way to know your toasting is going well is by sight and smell.  Obviously a burned odor is bad news, but it’s not fatal.  A little burn won’t kill you; it most likely means that you haven’t been shuffling the oats enough.  Moving them around in the pan goes a long way towards even toasting.  The smell, sadly, doesn’t transmit.  Hopefully this pic will give you a good approximation of the color you’re looking for:

The next step to the [1/3] cup of oats is [one cup] of boiling water.  When you’re ready for this step, turn the burner down to simmer; ideally the water will be boiling at this point.  Again, the line between toasty and burny is very fine.  There’s nothing wrong with removing the pot of oats entirely from the stove while the water finalizes its boilage.  Water looks like this:

A cup of water looks like this:

Well, approximately.  Boil it in another pot or electric kettle and toss it right on top of the oats.  It will look unappetizing:

Now just cover it with a lid and don’t think about it again for 25 minutes.  During that time the oats will absorb the water and become eatable, and you can spend the time getting further ready for your day.  Perhaps picking out your clothing, or jumping in the shower, or reading from a magazine, or checking your email…whatever’s your fancy.  It’s a great part of the morning.

Once those 25 minutes are up(give or take a few, depending on the batch), your oats will have absorbed the water you’ve given them, taking on the appearance of very moist brown rice:

Astute mathematicians, aka my single reader, will note that we’re still missing 1/3 cup of liquid.  You can use more water, but that’s missing opportunities for flavor.  Of the dairy variety.  With that remaining 1/3, your options are quite varied.  I tried buttermilk for a while, and got a good tang going, but it would always curdle when it hit the hot oats.  Whole milk and half&half are both legitimate options, depending on whoever is winning your flavor v. health battle that day.  I generally use skim milk or 1%, but I’ll put in a touch more than 1/3 of a cup.  This amount varies somewhat, although it’s never more than one half.  I figure too much milk is better than too little, although it does soften the texture of the whole deal.  Depends how gummy you like yours I suppose.

The key before pouring milk is to stir up the oats.  Those little buggers have adhered to the pot at this point; directly adding milk is not going to get the right saturation.  Gently stir the oats before adding the mild and after, to get maximum absorption potential.  Remember, the goal is each oat filled with liquid, but little to none in the bowl itself.  Here’s what stirred-and-immersed oats look like:

And just let it simmer and absorb.  Check on it, and give it a stir if it looks like the milk is pooling up top.  In about 10 minutes, the oatmeal will be fully cooked and ready.  Are you hungry yet?

Those 10 minutes gives us time to get the fixings ready.  Steel-cut oatmeal is perfectly consumable in this form, if a little bland.  But with just a few additions, the oatmeal transforms into something truly special.  To wit:

Scientific fact: everything is better with peanut butter, including peanut butter.  A little cinnamon, maybe some splenda or salt also plays well here.  But this particular morning I’m in a saucy mood, so our PB gets combined with:

Strawberries!  Sweet!

And there you go.  A breakfast to let you start the day off with someting tasty, healthy, and warm in your tummy.  I don’t do it every day, but the ones that begin like this usually go well.  Good morning!